


Broken

by AltruisticSkittles



Series: The First Illuminated [5]
Category: Thomas Sanders
Genre: Bigotry, Cutting, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Implied Physical Abuse, Knives, M/M, Minor Character Death, Suicide Attempts, Suicide mentions, i hope i'm not forgetting any, lying, self-depreciation, yes plural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 10:30:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14767875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AltruisticSkittles/pseuds/AltruisticSkittles
Summary: In a world as cruel and hateful as this, what chance does Virgil have? Everything seems pinned against him, and as soon as he finds a glimmer of hope, fate snuffs it out.It’s something that left him so broken, no one would be able to pick up the pieces.





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> IF. YOU. ARE. TRIGGERED. BY. SUICIDE. OR. TALK. OF. SUICIDE. PLEASE. HEED. THE. WARNINGS!!!!
> 
> Seriously guys, it happens twice!! There’s a whole section on the end that is almost a double suicide, and I don’t want anyone to get hurt. It’s even describes the planning, so please, PLEASE, be careful :(
> 
> I wasn’t kidding when I said Virgil was worse than Patton (still not as bad as Roman though, but apparently that’s up to debate too >w>)
> 
> So… without further ado… enjoy~

A child should want to emulate their parents, right?

Virgil, ever since he was little, never wanted to. He couldn’t remember a kind word from them, from the pictures he colored that ended up in the trash to the medal he won for winning the spelling bee placed on a shelf without a word. Nothing he ever did was good enough.

All they seemed to care about was judging their neighbors.

He couldn’t see what the fuss was about. The woman on the end of the street made cookies every weekend. She made lemonade whenever Virgil was hot from playing in the park, and she always waved to Virgil when he walked by the house.

But because she had a fausmark, she was apparently “evil” according to his parents.

Her son was just as much fun to be around, and he had a fausmark too. The only thing evil about Remy was he cheated at hide-and-seek, but that was it.

He’d never forget how angry his parents got when they found out he’d been playing with a devil child.

They must’ve screamed at Remy’s mother for a good half hour, threatening that if she and her son ever came near Virgil again, they’d have them arrested or some adult stuff like that. Virgil was no longer allowed to play in the park either.

Of course, he would sneak out to go play anyway.

Sometimes Remy was there, and sometimes he wasn’t, but he often found someone to play with. Occasionally it was a kid in glasses who always shared his cookies, and sometimes it was two brothers who usually stayed at the top of the slide the whole time, but usually, Remy was there with that babysitter who never paid attention. He didn’t care. Remy and he would always get into some sort of adventure to entertain themselves.

Around Remy, Virgil didn’t worry about his spirit getting broken.

And then his parents found a job at the other end of the state.

Virgil swore it was to keep him away from Remy, but he could never find the proof. They moved to a more rural area, one with more trees than people, and Virgil had no one nearby to play with.

“It’s for the best,” they’d tell him.

Virgil entertained himself by climbing trees as high as he could go. He loved the freedom of standing on a high branch, feeling the wind in his hair, and enjoying the thrill in his stomach from cheating death this high up. Most things scared him, but heights… they held a special fear. Virgil couldn’t describe it. It felt right to be this high up, and with how many times Virgil was told he was wrong, escaping all his problems to a high tree branch filled him with purpose.

At least up here, he could escape his parent’s judgment.

As Virgil went to school, he was horrified to find a lot of his classmates thought the same way his parents did. This left him with almost no friends and a lot of fights defending a poor girl with a fausmark on her shoulder. Cassie was so sweet, and Virgil couldn’t stand how she was bullied.

How many times were his parents called to the office on his behalf? How many times did the teachers tell him to stay away from her, saying she cursed his very existence, and he should forget about her? How many times had he held her while she cried into his shoulder?

Virgil lost count, but he couldn’t let Cassie drown in this broken world by herself.

The two of them would walk home from school every day, even if it was a mile walk from the school to Virgil’s house. The taunting on the bus got too unbearable, and the bus driver either ignored it or didn’t care enough to stop it.

Even the walks home weren’t safe. People would yell slurs from their porch as they walked by. Cassie always held her head high, but Virgil could see the tears lining her eyes.

These people made Virgil sick. How could they be so cruel to a nine-year-old child?

His parents threatened him to stay away from her. They took his phone. They watched his Internet chats. They started picking him up after school and requesting he was put in a different class. However, just like with Remy, Virgil always found a way to sneak around them and be there for Cassie.

“I’m not worth it,” she’d say, noting the bruise on Virgil’s cheek the next day.

“You are to me,” Virgil would reply.

Being around Cassie felt so right. He hated how the world told him it was wrong. She was kind, always sharing half of her stuff with Virgil. She went out of her way to save ladybugs from puddles, pushed him on the swings when he fell and broke his leg, and helped him with the math homework he never understood. She was his best friend.

She was the first one who told him about the markings on his back.

Virgil wished he could see the white, beautiful markings Cassie spoke so highly of. However, with no phone, he couldn’t take a picture. In a way, Virgil felt cheated of his birthright. There was no way he’d be showing it to his parents anytime soon. They kept telling him as soon as he got one, they’d be putting him in a traveling soulmate program to help him find his.

He didn’t want a soulmate. He wanted Cassie.

That’s why he found himself stumbling over a confession when they turned fourteen. Virgil’s heart pounded as he told her, and Cassie started crying, but other than that, it went smoothly.

The two met at Cassie’s house any time they could. He cherished the taste of her peppermint chapstick, how she held onto Virgil two seconds longer when they hugged, and how he wished she had a soulmark that would glow around him.

He wished he’d cherished her longer.

Like his parents, a lot of people said their relationship was taboo, not just because Cassie had a fausmark but because Virgil didn’t glow around her. People could be so heartless when it came to people they didn’t understand.

That’s why, when a gang of teens surrounded Virgil, he wasn’t surprised to see it turn into a knife fight.

He fought as hard as he could. He got cut across the arm, along his side, deep in his leg, and across his nose. They could cut him all they wanted, but it wouldn’t cut the bond he and Cassie had.

At least, that’s what he thought.

As Cassie came to his defense, one of the teens got her in the lung. The choked noise she made clogged Virgil’s ears and suffocated him. The cowards ran off, letting Cassie bleed out on the ground. Virgil held her close. He struggled to pick her and himself up, but with his injuries, every move felt like torture. Still, it couldn’t match the pain his heart radiated.

“I’m glad you’re the last person I get to see,” Cassie told Virgil as she brought him down to her level for one last kiss. “I love you.”

Virgil sat there all night, holding her in his arms and crying. No one came to see what was wrong. No one thought to save the poor child bleeding out on the ground. They shut their windows, locked their doors, and ignored them. One less demon child.

Virgil’s heart was broken, and he was sure he’d never get it back together.

He was the only one besides her parents who showed up at her funeral. He watched them bury the only person who ever truly loved him into the ground, along with a promise to never love someone as much as he did her. The only thing he had left of her was the peppermint chapstick that was in her pocket. He swore he’d wear it every day, just to be a little closer to her, to keep her memory alive.

His parents said her death was for the best. It broke any ties Virgil had to his parents.

Unfortunately, having to go to the doctors after losing too much blood resulted in his parents finding out about his soulmark. They were disappointed it was on his back, but at least he had one. They told him it meant he was an untrustworthy person. They told him people with soulmarks on their back lied, and they were nothing but criminals. It was almost as bad as having a fausmark.

Funny, Cassie spoke so highly of back soulmarks.

Regardless, his parents said if he didn’t find his soulmate within the next year, he’d be shipped off to a traveling soulmate school to find his match. Virgil tried running, but they always found him. He was watched everywhere he went. To school, in school, after school. Virgil couldn’t escape his fate.

Virgil counted down the days to the end of his life. He had a calendar, and he knew exactly how he was going to go. At least this way he could be with Cassie for the rest of his life. She’d be waiting with him with open arms. Of course, she’d probably be upset with how he got there, but hopefully, she’d forgive him. A rope’s mark would probably never fade, but it was better than being roped into this hell.

And then a weird kid with a set of cards sat next to him.

At first, he didn’t want to be his friend. He couldn’t leave anyone to miss him in this world, but the guy insisted.

“You like magic?” he asked. Virgil tried to ignore him, but he was persistent. “Pick a card. Any card.”

He didn’t know what magic overtook him, but Virgil decided against his better judgment to humor him.

The trick took him by surprise. Virgil was sure he knew how it worked, but he could never catch just how the trick was done. This kid was good, and Virgil found himself asking for more.

Trick after trick, he magically wound up weaving his way into Virgil’s heart.

Virgil wasn’t sure when, but he started to develop feelings for this Belial kid. He’d never replace Cassie, but he definitely filled a broken hole in Virgil’s heart.

He found himself forgetting about that calendar.

He also found the mark on Belial’s chest glowing one day.

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck. He wished he could see it, but with its location, it was impossible. Was it glowing too? What color was it? Well, he knew the resting color was black, as it faded from the white color when Cassie died, but he wanted to know his glow color. He wanted to see what his soul said about him.

He waited patiently for Belial to tell him as he lifted his shirt up. He’d never forget the way his fingers ghosted over his back and sent shivers down his spine. Belial spoke as highly of his soulmark as Cassie did, bringing a familiar feeling of warmth through the ice in his blood.

He didn’t feel quite as broken as his parents claimed him to be.

Those three months with Belial were amazing. He felt refreshed! There was now a purpose to this world. Belial would shower him with affection, praising his soulmark and everything about his body, from his protruding ribs to his thin frame to his gorgeous violet eyes. He kissed away every tear, stayed with him during anxiety attacks, and told him no matter what, he’d cherish him forever. They were soulmates, after all, he told him.

Still, with all that beauty, he should’ve known something was wrong.

For some reason, Belial wouldn’t take a picture of his soulmark. He wouldn’t come around his parents, despite his parents wanting to meet him and keep Virgil here. Didn’t he understand they were ready to send him away? Didn’t he know that if Belial didn’t prove they were soulmates, they’d never see each other again? Why wouldn’t he fight to keep Virgil here?

And then, while over at Belial’s house one day, he got his answer.

It was all a lie.

Virgil’s world caved in on itself. He trusted him. He loved him. And here he was, deceiving him like Virgil was one of his magic tricks. What else was a lie? Were all those words just empty whispers? Did he even care about Virgil at all?

Virgil’s trust in Belial’s words was broken beyond all repair.

He stormed out of his house, closing himself off. He should’ve stayed alone. He was better off alone.

Virgil ran. And he ran. He ran until he couldn’t run anymore, leaving his past and everything in it behind him. He was on his own now, lost and trying to survive. Somehow, he made it back to his old town. He had only one place he knew he’d be safe.

Raising a cautious hand, he knocked on the door.

He’d never forget the surprise on her mother’s face, or how she held his too thin frame and stroked his sobs away. He’d never forget how her father fought for Virgil’s custody and eventually won. He never forgot how Cassie’s room looked, or what it felt like to be loved.

He’d never forgot how the home he never thought he’d have would become his reality.

Despite being home, he couldn’t bring himself to go back to that school that disowned him. He couldn’t face those bullies, the ones who took Cassie’s life, or this horrible town. Cassie’s parents home-schooled him, making sure he got the education he needed. He may not have got his diploma until he was 19, but it was in an environment where he was loved and supported.

If only they would stop pitying that black soulmark on his back.

Eventually, that pity pushed him to find his own apartment and live by himself again. He thanked Cassie’s parents for everything they did for him, but he couldn’t stand the idea of being judged anymore. He got a run-down apartment, picked up a low paying job at a local grocery store, and started to make his way in the world.

It wasn’t the best living condition, but it was his. At least the fire escape at his window lead to the roof so he could brood in peace.

Virgil hated how he didn’t trust in or want to be loved in fear that it’d disappear. He wrote about it often, pouring his emotions into poetry and eventually getting the courage to post them online.

He didn’t expect the love and praise he’d receive from it.

Virgil built a strong online community, often getting letters from people who empathized with his story and made them feel a little less lonely. He loved them all. He got advice letters, asking how he dealt with feeling lonely, how to survive after a soulmate died (which he couldn’t help but he could at least lead them to therapy), and what to do when your parents hated you.

He even built a strong relationship with another writer who wrote about losing love so often Virgil felt bad for the guy. The person told him how he lost both of his parents at a young age, and he lost his legal guardian to cancer. He had no luck finding his soulmate or anyone who would stick with him long. Virgil could at least understand that much. He tried his best to support the guy, and their friendship online was well known on Tumblr.

And then at once, his world came crashing down.

The store Virgil worked at started cutting back their employees, as they were going bankrupt. Virgil was thankful he saved money on the side, but it would only keep his apartment for three months minimum. He dropped his internet service, losing the community he worked so hard to build. He cut back on meals, barely getting 500 calories a day, to try for at least one more month of shelter while he searched for a job.

Virgil was losing time, and no one wanted to give him any of theirs.

That’s what had him standing on the ledge of his apartment building, ready to leap into taking back control of his life. He watched the busy traffic below him, his stomach backflipping. The thrill of being up high when he was younger now made him heavy with fear. His foot teetered over the edge, and Virgil squeezed his eyes tight.

Just do it. Come on.

“Hey-”

The soft voice nearly pushed him over the edge. Virgil’s head twisted around. A boy about his age stood with his hands held up in defense, maybe a few feet away.

“Stay away from me,” Virgil hissed.

“Okay,” he replied, “I’ll stay here as long as you stay there. Sound good?”

Virgil’s eyes searched him for any tricks, but he decided to trust him.

“My name is Thomas,” he continued. “I live in the apartment next to you. I think you knocked on my wall when I was singing at 3 am one time?”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I remember you. Don’t you sleep?”

“I have insomnia, so it’s kind of hard. Sometimes singing puts me out, and sometimes it doesn’t. What about you? You have any problems sleeping?”

“Nightmares,” Virgil replied.

“Wanna talk about them?” Thomas asked. “I could help, maybe? I know a pretty cool therapist who works at the coffee shop down the street. He may specialize in soulmark studies, but he’s a great guy, and I’m sure he could help.”

Virgil snuffed. “There’s no help in the world that could fix me.”

I’m too broken.

Thomas shifted his weight from one foot to the other and looked away. The lost look in his eyes nearly kicked Virgil in the stomach. He hated seeing people feel helpless.

“Look,” Virgil continued. “You seem like a cool guy, and I wouldn’t want you to get mixed up with me, so why don’t you go back to your room and leave me alone.”

Thomas set his jaw. He started walking toward Virgil.

“H-hey! You said if-”

“I know what I said,” Thomas replied. He stood far away from Virgil and climbed onto the ledge as well. Virgil’s heart pounded in his chest. What was this guy doing?

“Get down!” Virgil yelled.

Thomas took in a deep breath. “Why?”

“Because!” Virgil spoke, but he couldn’t think of a good reason. “Just, don’t.”

“But why?” Thomas’s brown eyes glanced over at him, a sad smile on his face. “My life’s pretty unimportant. No one would miss me either, so if you jump, I might as well too.”

Virgil’s stomach twisted. This was a trick, wasn’t it? He wouldn’t really jump… would he? Virgil swallowed. What a dirty trick indeed. Stupid reverse psychology. Stupid doubt. Stupid will to protect others from suffering the way he did. Two could play this game.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Virgil replied. “You get down, and then I’ll get down too, okay?”

Thomas weighed his options for a moment and nodded his head. “You first.”

Virgil growled deep in his throat. Still, even if he did leave, he could always come back and try again later. But he couldn’t jump knowing this guy’s life was going with him.

“Okay,” Virgil said and stepped back onto the building’s roof again. “Okay, I’m down. Now you.”

Thomas turned. His foot slipped, and Virgil rushed forward. His hand caught a sweaty palm, and he grabbed onto Thomas’s other free hand. The traffic sounded louder than the pulse in Virgil’s ears.

“Hold on,” Virgil spoke as he struggled to pull Thomas up. Thomas’s feet scraped against the brick as he tried to help. Eventually, the two of them collapsed onto the building’s roof. Virgil stared at the sky and took in deep breaths. His heart pounded and shook his body.

“Thanks,” Thomas said as he turned his head to smile at Virgil.

“What was that?!” Virgil snapped. “You almost got yourself killed.” I wasn’t worth that.

“Yeah,” Thomas replied too nonchalantly for Virgil’s liking. “Good thing you were here to catch me.”

The two ended up staying in the same room that night, too shaken to trust the other by themselves. Virgil found himself staying night after night, keeping an eye on Thomas. Keeping some sort of purpose he never expected to have.

After a week, Thomas approached him and asked if he’d split rent for their room.

“I don’t have anything to pay you with,” Virgil replied and looked away.

“You know,” Thomas spoke. “My employer at the coffee shop is looking for help. It’s a library too, so it’ll be quiet, something that might be good for your anxiety. Plus, Logan is pretty good at putting his employees first, so if you need a break, he’d be glad to give it to you when you need it. What do you say?”

Virgil weighed his options. On one hand, it sounded like a nice opportunity. He could get back on his feet. But what if it ended up like his last job? He couldn’t face a second blunder like that, and he had no doubt Thomas wouldn’t be able to afford his company.

The ledge was always there though.

Still, Virgil nodded. He agreed to meet this Logan the next morning before the rush came in, and Thomas said he’d even put a good word in for him. Virgil was thankful, even if he didn’t feel he deserved it. A little normalcy, no matter how little, would be nice.

He’d do anything to feel a little less broken in this life.

**Author's Note:**

> For more on the Illuminated universe, check out my Tumblr @altruistic-skittles


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